Ok so this entry is just an escape from studying. It’s been a crazy week of suspense and interviews and more interviews. One firm is supposedly checking my references, but I have no word from them yet. I had an interview today with another firm but who knows where that will go due to the absence of some key players at the firm. Then had a last minute interview at a major bank for a contracting job and I have no idea how that works but it should be interesting to see. Nice thing is, if I can smash this technical interview tomorrow then I might be home free. If that is the case, then I’ll get to work at a firm that is walking distance from the apt. That would be a huge plus, but i still have to get past the technical which I hear is grueling but I guess we’ll see what happens. I know my stuff but there are some serious cobwebs up in the ol’ attic.

On a side note had lunch with the little lady I’m seeing and it seems we share an interest in the wonderful NBC show, The Office. Today being April 1st (April Fool’s Day) I set my FB status to me having Count Choculitis and being diagnosed with spontaneous dental hydroplosion and as we were eating she mentioned the status and asked if it was from the office. I don’t know where this will lead, but I do like this one - she’s different in that she’s way smarter then any of the other women I’ve dated up till now and she’s got a fantastic personality. The fact that she’s a good lookin little lady is a wonderful plus. We haven’t really sat down and talked about us or what’s going to happen, for now we’re just enjoying each other’s company and sharing stories. Heck we only found out what the other does today, we’ve got a long ways to go in terms of getting to know each other before we really get anywhere. Either way, I do enjoy my time with her and I do believe she enjoys her time with me - smiles, giggles and outright laughter generally accompany any of our conversations so I’ll take that as a good sign.

I’ve changed the index page on this site so that, hopefully, people can no longer track me on this blog and it’s just a little outpost in nowhere land. i won’t go private with my posts but at least people won’t be able to track me from here on out. Only problem is if they have the old page in the cache it’ll take a while before it goes away. Guess we’ll just have to see - it’s not like I’m posting anything major here - no names, no places, nothing crazy or detrimental to me or others. Ok, time to get back to my studying - till next time . . I’ll be waiting.

“We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.” - Changes by Tupac Shakur

It seems I’m only posting once a quarter now. There have been quite a number of changes since January, I’m now unemployed (but I knew that was coming), I bounced from single to not to dating a lovely lady currently, and I’ve traveled to Rio and back! All sorts of madness going on in my life but at the same time a certain sense of peace. I’ve really enjoyed being unemployed - I was burnt out for a long time and this break has been good for me in a number of ways. I’ve been running more, training more, and just having fun in general. I know I’ll re-enter the rat race soon enough but at the same time, I’m starting to explore other options. I’m trying to figure out what else can I do with my life, how can I truly have a fulfilling life and have the income and time to support that lifestyle. I’m trying to see the big picture and trying to become more while at the same time dealing with the day to day, learning to build on one experience after another. It’s been a long struggle but I’m glad that I’ve come through a stronger and more experienced person for it. Definitely learning to change the way I live and also the way I treat others as well as myself. This is my life, I’m taking charge and I’m making meaningful changes!

As I sit here at Catholic Underground surrounded by hundreds of other Catholics I can’t help but feel a wonderful sense of fellowship with all my brothers and sisters. I came on a whim when I realized the date and time as I sat in my room getting my Sunday school stuff together. I came here hoping to fill the empty place that has been with me for a while. Only God can fill that place and I need to walk the path again. I love the universal-ness of the church the collection and variety of race, age and so on makes me feel so proud to be Catholic! Praise God!

I wonder what the new year will bring for me. 08 has brought so much change into my life from being married and in love to not, from being a homeowner to not, broken to fragile to relatively healed. Lots of change, lots of pain, lots of stress and upheavel.

There are a lot of things I want to do in the new year from travel, to learning, to dating. There’s alot I want to accomplish and I just have to do it. I wonder what the new year will bring.

Unless you’ve gone through and are aware of spiritual battles, it’s very hard to figure out when they are happening to you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been strong enough in my faith and practicing it consistently . . . and it’s been noticed. As my faith and my practicing of the faith has increased the more I’ve noticed that I’ve been having more and more episodes of moodiness, sadness or outright depression. I may not have noticed the correlation, if I didn’t read “Wild at Heart” courtesy of a Mz. A. The enemy can work in subtle whispers or outright barrages and I can feel myself being targeted. Thank God for His strength and power, He has come through for me time and time again and this morning was no different.

My mom bought me Christian Prayer and I’ve been meaning to use it for the last week but I kept getting tired or distracted. This morning when I woke up i was in a funk and just decided to really make an effort and open the book and do the morning prayer. Once I finished it (after using about 10 minutes getting familiar with the book layout) I felt immediately better. I know I’ll continue to struggle at times but I must never forget the strength that Lord provides me in those times and that I can always count on Him for all things. Thank you Lord for saving me, thank you Lord for being there for me.

Sometimes the best way to cope is to just breathe . . . I forget that sometimes. Regardless of stress, fear, pain, whatever sometimes all you have to do is step back, take a deep breathe then continue with a clearer head and heart.

Just when you think you’re really starting to get past something, it gives you a gut punch when you least expect it. As some of my friends know, I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety courtesy of my divorce for the last 7 months. For the most part, I’ve been able to keep all the bad stuff at bay and be able to deal with it in a healthy manner, but there are still days when it’s just a bit much. When it does just get to you and you just feel so tired and rundown. Just have to fight it off and pray, but at the same time I have to believe in my prayers as well as myself. I have to realize that I am strong enough to overcome anything and everything. I guess I was thrown off by today because I had such a good long weekend, between camp and hanging out yesterday, I was feeling great. Just have to keep fighting, and probably get more sleep.

It’s pretty cool how free you can feel when you reach a certain comfort level with a person. Now I’m not talking about just walking around in your birthday suit or something, I’m talking about really being able to be yourself. The freedom to let the true self show is a great thing, to have all the “good and bad quirks” embraced is a wonderful thing. It’s a great thing to be able to let the dork, geek, freak, jock, actor, whatever out and not be shunned or burned. To those of you I can be myself with thanks! Thanks for not running away when “I lose my sense of humor after 10:30″, or when I’m an Uber Dork, or when I’m just a raging mad man . . . thank you for being a friend.

It’s time for me to take it easy. I’ve been partying pretty hard for the last 4-5 months and I need to just take it easy and focus on what’s important. All the partying and going out has put quite the dent in my finances and it’s time for me to start getting my financial house back in order. I just look at my statements and I’m thinking to myself, “How the heck did I drop that much?!” Just not cool. On top of that all this partying has taken a toll on me physically, I don’t get enough sleep, I’m slowly getting out of shape, I’m exhausted most of the time. Not good.

Just got to refocus on what’s important: God, self, health, heart, and true companions. “Just say no!”, is what I have to tell myself as the month of July winds down. Got alot of stuff going on over the next 6 weeks and I really need to make sure I’ve got my head on straight and my stuff in order. Focus, focus, focus . . and slow down.