“We gotta make a change…
It’s time for us as a people to start makin’ some changes.
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live
and let’s change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn’t working so it’s on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.” – Changes by Tupac Shakur

It seems I’m only posting once a quarter now. There have been quite a number of changes since January, I’m now unemployed (but I knew that was coming), I bounced from single to not to dating a lovely lady currently, and I’ve traveled to Rio and back! All sorts of madness going on in my life but at the same time a certain sense of peace. I’ve really enjoyed being unemployed – I was burnt out for a long time and this break has been good for me in a number of ways. I’ve been running more, training more, and just having fun in general. I know I’ll re-enter the rat race soon enough but at the same time, I’m starting to explore other options. I’m trying to figure out what else can I do with my life, how can I truly have a fulfilling life and have the income and time to support that lifestyle. I’m trying to see the big picture and trying to become more while at the same time dealing with the day to day, learning to build on one experience after another. It’s been a long struggle but I’m glad that I’ve come through a stronger and more experienced person for it. Definitely learning to change the way I live and also the way I treat others as well as myself. This is my life, I’m taking charge and I’m making meaningful changes!

As I sit here at Catholic Underground surrounded by hundreds of other Catholics I can’t help but feel a wonderful sense of fellowship with all my brothers and sisters. I came on a whim when I realized the date and time as I sat in my room getting my Sunday school stuff together. I came here hoping to fill the empty place that has been with me for a while. Only God can fill that place and I need to walk the path again. I love the universal-ness of the church the collection and variety of race, age and so on makes me feel so proud to be Catholic! Praise God!

I wonder what the new year will bring for me. 08 has brought so much change into my life from being married and in love to not, from being a homeowner to not, broken to fragile to relatively healed. Lots of change, lots of pain, lots of stress and upheavel.

There are a lot of things I want to do in the new year from travel, to learning, to dating. There’s alot I want to accomplish and I just have to do it. I wonder what the new year will bring.

Unless you’ve gone through and are aware of spiritual battles, it’s very hard to figure out when they are happening to you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been strong enough in my faith and practicing it consistently . . . and it’s been noticed. As my faith and my practicing of the faith has increased the more I’ve noticed that I’ve been having more and more episodes of moodiness, sadness or outright depression. I may not have noticed the correlation, if I didn’t read “Wild at Heart” courtesy of a Mz. A. The enemy can work in subtle whispers or outright barrages and I can feel myself being targeted. Thank God for His strength and power, He has come through for me time and time again and this morning was no different.

My mom bought me Christian Prayer and I’ve been meaning to use it for the last week but I kept getting tired or distracted. This morning when I woke up i was in a funk and just decided to really make an effort and open the book and do the morning prayer. Once I finished it (after using about 10 minutes getting familiar with the book layout) I felt immediately better. I know I’ll continue to struggle at times but I must never forget the strength that Lord provides me in those times and that I can always count on Him for all things. Thank you Lord for saving me, thank you Lord for being there for me.

Just when you think you’re really starting to get past something, it gives you a gut punch when you least expect it. As some of my friends know, I’ve been fighting depression and anxiety courtesy of my divorce for the last 7 months. For the most part, I’ve been able to keep all the bad stuff at bay and be able to deal with it in a healthy manner, but there are still days when it’s just a bit much. When it does just get to you and you just feel so tired and rundown. Just have to fight it off and pray, but at the same time I have to believe in my prayers as well as myself. I have to realize that I am strong enough to overcome anything and everything. I guess I was thrown off by today because I had such a good long weekend, between camp and hanging out yesterday, I was feeling great. Just have to keep fighting, and probably get more sleep.

It’s pretty cool how free you can feel when you reach a certain comfort level with a person. Now I’m not talking about just walking around in your birthday suit or something, I’m talking about really being able to be yourself. The freedom to let the true self show is a great thing, to have all the “good and bad quirks” embraced is a wonderful thing. It’s a great thing to be able to let the dork, geek, freak, jock, actor, whatever out and not be shunned or burned. To those of you I can be myself with thanks! Thanks for not running away when “I lose my sense of humor after 10:30″, or when I’m an Uber Dork, or when I’m just a raging mad man . . . thank you for being a friend.

It’s time for me to take it easy. I’ve been partying pretty hard for the last 4-5 months and I need to just take it easy and focus on what’s important. All the partying and going out has put quite the dent in my finances and it’s time for me to start getting my financial house back in order. I just look at my statements and I’m thinking to myself, “How the heck did I drop that much?!” Just not cool. On top of that all this partying has taken a toll on me physically, I don’t get enough sleep, I’m slowly getting out of shape, I’m exhausted most of the time. Not good.

Just got to refocus on what’s important: God, self, health, heart, and true companions. “Just say no!”, is what I have to tell myself as the month of July winds down. Got alot of stuff going on over the next 6 weeks and I really need to make sure I’ve got my head on straight and my stuff in order. Focus, focus, focus . . and slow down.

To my partner in this mad endeavour,

Greetings and salutations! I just want to say, that even though I’m completely exhausted and about to fall on my face I’m still in my “oh so very happy place”. Mad we may be, but at least we’re having a fun time. Thanks . . . for being awesome! Now time for me to hide under my desk and fall asleep . . .

What is beauty? What does it mean when someone says a person is beautiful? Do we define everything by physical descriptions? Do we take into account a person’s personality? The aura they project? Other factors? What do I see? I’ld like to think that I don’t judge till I get to see what a person is like. The more and more I like a person’s personality and the more and more I get to know a person the more “beautiful” they become for me. Sounds like a bunch of mushy crap but for me its true – the beauty of soul does shine through and (at least for me) makes itself very apparent. Similarities, differences, all the facets – all to be appreciated and admired.