It’s pretty cool how free you can feel when you reach a certain comfort level with a person. Now I’m not talking about just walking around in your birthday suit or something, I’m talking about really being able to be yourself. The freedom to let the true self show is a great thing, to have all the “good and bad quirks” embraced is a wonderful thing. It’s a great thing to be able to let the dork, geek, freak, jock, actor, whatever out and not be shunned or burned. To those of you I can be myself with thanks! Thanks for not running away when “I lose my sense of humor after 10:30″, or when I’m an Uber Dork, or when I’m just a raging mad man . . . thank you for being a friend.
It’s time for me to take it easy. I’ve been partying pretty hard for the last 4-5 months and I need to just take it easy and focus on what’s important. All the partying and going out has put quite the dent in my finances and it’s time for me to start getting my financial house back in order. I just look at my statements and I’m thinking to myself, “How the heck did I drop that much?!” Just not cool. On top of that all this partying has taken a toll on me physically, I don’t get enough sleep, I’m slowly getting out of shape, I’m exhausted most of the time. Not good.
Just got to refocus on what’s important: God, self, health, heart, and true companions. “Just say no!”, is what I have to tell myself as the month of July winds down. Got alot of stuff going on over the next 6 weeks and I really need to make sure I’ve got my head on straight and my stuff in order. Focus, focus, focus . . and slow down.
To my partner in this mad endeavour,
Greetings and salutations! I just want to say, that even though I’m completely exhausted and about to fall on my face I’m still in my “oh so very happy place”. Mad we may be, but at least we’re having a fun time. Thanks . . . for being awesome! Now time for me to hide under my desk and fall asleep . . .
As I sit here, after reading a friend’s recent post, I am reminded of turmoil I’ve been feeling concerning my calling and that I’ve been put on this world to do. How am I meant to serve? Reading the post it mirrors some of the thoughts and questions I’ve asked myself over the last couple of months. Do I have the courage, the faith, the willingness to give up myself to truly serve? I sit here in awe and fear – awe at how God just works through so many channels to deliver a message and fear because of the unknowns.
Honestly I can see myself going down two paths – I can easily see myself being happy entering the Holy Order and just as easily be happy living the life of a married man who loves to serve God. To each their own but for me I ask what is my calling? Maybe this divorce is God giving me a second chance – a chance to live a life full of God. My ex was not of the faith and we had many arguments or debates if you will about how to raise the children (if we had any) and the role Catholicism would play in our lives as a family. With free will comes doubt and uncertainty, the old game of “what if” plays a turn in the mind but by giving oneself up to the will of God all that is removed.
I want to do what God intends for me, not what I expect of myself or what other people want or expect. I do not give up responsibility or decision making because ultimately the choice is mine but I first must know the path that God intends for me. I need to find that quiet place and listen, I find myself overwhelmed at times during mass or while praising when I feel God’s love, when I feel that presence. My heart just overflows with joy to the point where my eyes tear up – as I’ve just read in “Wild at Heart” it is right to be spiritual, it is masculine, it is a very good thing to open yourself up to the Father. Question is can I fully open myself up?
Lord please use me as your vessel, please change my heart so that I can hear you, your message, your commands. I pray that you grant me the strength to help me build and maintain my faith so that I can serve you fully. Grant me the courage to answer your call and whatever it is that you have in mind for me. Grant me peace oh Lord, please grant me peace.
What is beauty? What does it mean when someone says a person is beautiful? Do we define everything by physical descriptions? Do we take into account a person’s personality? The aura they project? Other factors? What do I see? I’ld like to think that I don’t judge till I get to see what a person is like. The more and more I like a person’s personality and the more and more I get to know a person the more “beautiful” they become for me. Sounds like a bunch of mushy crap but for me its true – the beauty of soul does shine through and (at least for me) makes itself very apparent. Similarities, differences, all the facets – all to be appreciated and admired.
“Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed”
I must say, every time I’m at mass when I say those words I feel a sense of peace. I work toward having the level of faith that the centurion showed and yet even though I fall short God still heals me. Even though I still need to go to confession to receive forgiveness for my sins (and so I can receive the Eucharist again) I can still feel a level of healing and forgiveness during mass. I do love being Catholic.
There are still many things I want to do in my life and I might as well post them up on a blog so I can come back and check whether or not I actually did these things. Here’s a list of the top of my head in no particular order:
not a bucket list but definitely things I want to accomplish within the next 2 years! Just gotta save up and go for it!
So since I can’t listen to my iPod at work my brain has decided to play some select tracks in my head – seems like I’m on a RHCP, old school hip hop, punk kick. From Californication to T.R.O.Y to Ready to Fall by Rise Against. Just have random bits running in my head. It might not of been the wisest move of my motorcycle riding career but it was nice to listen to music while riding – granted I had it on relatively low and could barely hear it over the road nice on the highway but still cool. Sometimes, even though it’s not surprising, I am amazed at how much music can affect my mood, aggression levels, etc. Bob Marley 3 Little Birds can chill me out just like T.R.O.Y. from Pete Rock and CL Smooth, while listening to the faster tracks from Rise Against or some rock bands will make me want to just . . .fight. House and trance make me want to fly when I’m driving. Always funny when I pay attention to my mood swings when my iPod is set to song shuffle . . . crazy crazy crazy.